


You make flowers bloom in my lungs

by Riberhus



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-05 11:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12793608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riberhus/pseuds/Riberhus
Summary: Future, present, past. Death is the only certain thing in the world.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am not good at writing and when I was able to get a tiny bit good, I stoped. It's been a year. I wonder how I'll do.
> 
> First fic for these boys and this fandom. Trust me. I don't like deaths either.

Funny.

At first he thought they were cherry blossoms until he decided to sit down one night and open his laptop to confirm.

They weren't.

He caught himself smiling sadly. That bad, huh?

\---

"Shane I swear to god I'll kill you," laughed Ryan who was doing his damn best to reach for his phone. Shane looked unfazed by all the efforts the smaller one was doing.

"Kill me after you get your phone, bud," he almost laughed, hiding it behind a smirk instead.

\---

Shane was his savior. Back in high school, everything paranormal to him is awesome - something to research about. But then he was slapped by cold hard truth that people in his class are laughing at him for being such a nerd - well, glasses and braces does that to someone with a side hobby - when Shane casually approached him and asked him if he has some sources about Jack the Ripper because he can't seem to find the book he saved in the library. Now, it might sound nothing but Shane was a really popular person in their school. He was your definition of 'chill' and 'cool'. Everybody seemed to love him. So when he talked to Ryan so casually like that, his classmates just stared, disbelief in everyone's eyes, waiting for Ryan to respond. Of course he has some questions too but his mind seemed to short circuit to what he can deal with first: Jack the Ripper.

"Uhm, yeah but my materials are at home...?"

"Cool. Can I drop by after class?"

"Uh, sure, I guess?"

"Alright. See you later, Ry,"  
Where the nickname came from? He doesn't know. That stopped people from prying tho and he was happy enough to show Shane his research because of it.

Sure enough, once classes are done, Shane was already waiting for him by his locker. Ryan has so many questions in mind that he will ask the other once they are away from all these people. He doesn't wanna jinx anything.

Now, usually he goes by bus. It's easier. He doesn't have to deal with noisy classmates and he can take a quiet walk down their street. Sometimes when he's feeling fancy, he uses his bike, enjoying the breeze. So when Shane dragged him to a parked car at the end of the lot, he was sure that the other would hurt him.  
"Dude, are you okay?" He heard the other ask.

"I am so sorry for crossing you. I don't know how but I am so sorry," Ryan started to blurt out, arms ready to protect his head in case the taller one wants is to hit him.

"Crossi- what? Dude what the fuck?" The other wheezed. If not for his frightened state, he would found that wheeze endearing.

"That's why I'm here, right?"

"Dude this is my car. I was hoping you'd get in," Shane was still not over the laughing part, watching Ryan closely like he's a confused kitten. And if Shane does think Ryan is a confused kitten, no one needs to know.

Oh no. Ryan's head is running haywire. Is Shane going to leave him for dead on the side of the road? What if he sell him to the black market? Or the aliens? Or worse, bears.

"You were gonna show me those Jack the Ripper sources, remember?" Reminded the other, patiently watching the other get back to his senses.

Oh shit. Jack the Ripper. Is Shane going to-

"I am not going to hurt you. I just want those materials, Bergara. Plus, if I'm gonna harm you, I would've parked the car in a more secluded place. Not in front a CCTV camera," he has a point, Ryan thought. He looked up. If he goes missing, Shane would be suspect numero uno.

"Alright. Fine. Okay. I have lots of questions tho,"

"Yes finally he's okay. You can ask me your questions inside the car. For now,  get in and buckle up," Yep. Confused kitten.

The drive to the Bergara house was relatively quiet except when Ryan would tell him where to turn. Ryan kept on fidgeting whereas Shane was anticipating the rapid fire of questions that never came. When they arrived, they were greeted by a lone cat that decided she likes Shane better than Ryan.

_'Traitor!'_

_'So this is where he got his confused kitty look,'_

"Where are your parents?" Shane asked, confused by the stillness of the house.

"Work. I'm mostly alone. And there's a camera next door so if you're going to murder me, they'd see who I was last with,"

"Wow. We're not done with that still. Okay. I would try my best not to murder you," he chuckled. Ryan still has that look.

He told Shane to wait for him in the living room as he made his way to his room, gathering all he can on Jack the Ripper. He has quite the research and somehow, he's proud. When he came downstairs, Shane was already set up on the coffee table, long legs sprawled  on the floor.

"I hope you don't mind,"

"I don't. But before I give you these, my questions first,"

"Shoot,"

"What do you want from me? When did you start liking paranormal stuff? Where in the library do they keep books about ghosts? Why did you do what you did earlier? How did you know my name?"

"Hahaha okay chill one at a time, bud!" He laughed, his chill starting to rub on Ryan in a wrong way.

"Alright. How about a question for a question?"

Ryan is the little kid he always sees around, nose buried deep in a book. He's pretty sure the world could be ending and the other won't even notice it. Unless it's paranormal. The kid has an undeniable, and quite popular, love for casper. Shane's pretty sure everyone in school knows the kid one way or another except him who knew Ryan only through his friends.

"He would've been cute but he's weird," Eugene says, eyeing someone from across the room. Eugene is a friend of his, not really close but someone he can count on.

"Who?"

"That paranormal kid, Ryan Bergara. He's in the lower years. I hear things about him in the faculty sometimes when I pick up Mrs. Smith's books,"

"Things like?" He wasn't interested per se. He wasn't even aware of how the kid looked like. He was curious. Anything that makes it to the faculty office either means important or juicy. Okay he likes him some gossip sometimes so what?

"'He's a really promising student, Bernadette, academic-wise. Social-wise, however, is a disaster.'

'The Bergaras just recently moved in, Dennis. You can't blame the child.'

'I know. But what I'm saying is, if we're going to have him give the speech, he at least needs to be a role model. Like Shane Madej!'

'Now that's just comparing two different people.'"

He was doubling over even before Eugene was done mimicking the people he heard in the office, his laughter filling the already busy cafeteria of their school. When the bell rang, signalling the start of another class, the two only exchanged a look before parting ways for gym and Physics.

Shane kept his eye on the Ryan Bergara kid for the next few days, sometimes finding himself picking up a book about home cooked meals and recipe books in the library (He had to stay within reasonable distance and so far, he's in the distance of the home stuff books). He never enjoyed the reading part but this is where the kid mostly spends his time when not in the classroom. He reads different books based on his observation. Once he's done with R.L. Steine, he moved on to Biology. Usually, one can judge a person based on his book record. But Ryan? How can he judge him?

"Seriously, Shane. One more rant about that kid and I'd personally tell him that you have a thing for him," Eugene one time said in the cafeteria after he told him about his book selection.

"I don't have a thing for him, Yang. I'm just curious because we all know that ghosts are not real, right?"

"Right... And having a thing for him too?" The other kept on sending him funny looks that day.

It was during lunch break when he heard the conversation and the unmistakable shaking voice of the young ghost hunter. He didn't mean to eave's drop but he's sure Bergara's about to cry.

"Yeah. Why did you even move here, you creepy nerd? You should've just stayed where you belong,"

"Yeah in your mom's basement!" And loud laughter erupted around him. Eugene gave him a warning look but he still stood up and walked over to the young boy. He knew he has some reputation. Heck he is trying his best to keep it. He knows that being known to people means some power over them. He just never expected to use that power right now. For Bergara.

When he approached the group, he made sure to train his eye on Ryan and Ryan alone. He assessed the situation; so far, no broken noses or glasses. No blood too. Good. Some spilled milk tho, literally. Shane asked him about resources about Jack the Ripper: the only paranormal case he knows because of stumbling upon it that one time he got bored watching TV. Ryan looked small. Very small. It felt like he could scoop him up in his arms and keep him in his pocket.

"Uhm, yeah but my materials are at home...?"

"Cool. Can I drop by after class?" _Wow. Feel close much?_

"Uh, sure, I guess?"

"Alright. See you later, Ry," _Ry?! What the fuck, Shane? Nicknames already? You don't call Ryan, Ry. You only call him that inside your head because you're a lazy bastard who can't be bothered with thinking 'Ryan'. Gah fuck!_

True to his words, once the bell rang for dismissal, he made his way to Ryan's locker, earning him a disapproving look from Eugene.

"I'm telling you, man. You got it bad,"

"I am just dropping by to get some Jack the Ripper evidences then I go home,"

"Yep. Jack the Ripper bad,"

"Hahahaha fuck off!" At least they both laughed at that.

"But really? Waiting by his locker? How sweet, Shane,"

"I can't afford to let him run off. I need the evidences!"

"Right... Whoop. Kiddo's here. Gotta go! Good luck on your date, Madej!"

"Fuck you, Eugene!"

It wasn't much trouble getting Ryan inside his car aside from the kid's weird apology for nothing and his unrelenting look of suspicion. Why is he here again?

"All I'm saying is, there's a camera next door. They'll know," Shane couldn't help but laugh at that. When Ryan told him to wait for him in the living room, he was happy enough to get comfy on the floor.

For someone who just moved in, the house looked like it has been lived in for years. No more boxes or a vase out of place. There are curtains and a well kept cat which is now cuddling his thighs.  
_'Is little Ry-Ry a good daddy? You look well fed. Maybe he is. What do you think? Hmmm?'_

Alright. Perhaps beyond the glasses and the braces, Ryan is an okay kid he can actually hang out with. Maybe he can - Ryan appeared doing his best to balance folder and books in his hands _'why did I think he'd be fun again?'_

"It's just that, for the coolest kid in town to talk to me - you can't exactly blame me, Shane,"

"Flatter me all you want, I still wanna know who did it," that earned him a laugh from the younger one. Alright. Maybe he can get used to this: the open laugh, the big smile, and eyes so bright he's sure he can see the galaxy in them.

 


	2. Chapter 2

"I would recommend getting it clinically removed but that means having your feelings for this person removed as well. Can you do that?"

He smiled sadly, accepting that death is his fate. He's lived a good life, right? At least when he dies, he dies knowing he chose the love of his life over his own selfishness.

"It'll be painful. It'll mess you up,"

"He's the best thing that happened to me, Doc. If I die because of that love, then so be it my confession in my grave,"

\---

"Dude. Check this out," Shane gave Ryan his phone to show him the reserved tickets for his favorite NBA team's game.

"What do you need from me?" Ryan asked, eyes still shining from the VIP tickets reserved.

"I don't need -" He was cut off by Ryan's full weight on him, muscular arms wrapped on his neck, a happy kitten saying 'thank you' like a mantra.

\---

"Why are you even here?" Ryan asked, eyes blurry from sleep. He was only talking to this person on his window because he knows it's Shane.

"Because my parents fought and I don't want to deal with all that crap ri -"

"Ryan?" Came the knock on his door. The smaller one went to open it even before Shane can stop him.

"Are you okay? I heard a noise - Oh hi, Shane," it was his mom.

"Hi, Mrs. Bergara. Sorry to bother your evening," and it was perhaps the most comical situation he's ever been his entire life.

"Shane's staying the night, ma,"

"Oh, okay. Well, go clean up and I'll bring you boys an extra blanket," In all his life, Shane is now sure that Mrs. Bergara is the coolest mom alive.

"He can use mine. He came here so he suffer not having his own blanket," Ryan volunteered a yawn after. His mom only nodded and went back to her own room, leaving Shane dumbfounded and Ryan getting ready to go back to bed.

He's walked his room a hundred times by now, all too familiar with the things inside it and the person on the bed, snoring lightly just seconds of laying his head down. He quietly made a move for the dresser, grabbing a shirt from the pile of big shirts Ryan has and the ones he's left from previous nights of sleeping over and sweat pants he's pretty sure are too small for him but somehow makes it work.

He took a quick shower, ridding his hair of the smell of cigarette smoke from his father's tobacco that he likes to smoke a little too often, and the detergent soap his mother uses that he can't seem to rub off his skin. Most times, when he showers over at Ryan's, he feels thankful for the younger's choice of different soap, even if it means he gets to smell flowery after. It's a scent he's gotten used to over time that started to mean cleanliness, freedom, and Ryan.

Ryan started to have a different meaning for him to. Before Ryan meant the weird sophomore kid who likes ghosties and aliens but now, Ryan means a friend, a partner, a person he trusts. He's not really sure when the meanings all started to change but he's not complaining. Of the changes in his life, this is the one he most like.

Shane returned to Ryan's room and made his way to the younger's bed, making himself at home on the bed that comforted him more times that he's willing to admit. Heck that bed saw him cry more than once, suffer through a math problem that miracle Ryan helped him through, and it saw him through his anger. That consuming anger he once felt eat him from the inside out. It was Ryan who hugged him that night, whispering that things will get better tomorrow and that bed that hid them away until the sun showed up, a reassurance of Ryan's promises the night before.

"D'you have your school bag with you?" Ryan suddenly asked, forcing Shane's closing eyes open. His back was on him so Ryan sounded muffled.

"Yeah,"

"Wanna talk about it?" There it is. That comfort. Perhaps he keeps on running to this place because he knows Ryan is here. His friend.

"Nah. I'm fine like this,"

"Sure?"

"Go to sleep, Ry. I'll walk with you to school tomorrow,"

He was woken up with Ryan and his mom's conversation at the door.

"You sure he's okay? His mom called last night and asked if he's here,"

"I guess. He didn't tell me why. He just appeared on my balcony like Romeo last night,"

"Does this mean you're Juliet?" Ryan's mother teased, the lightness of their conversation too entertaining for Madej to interrupt.

"More like Paris. Romeo just got so caught up and climbed my balcony instead of Juliet's"

"Atleast now we know who Romeo would've chosen if not for the Juliet trope,"

"What the heck, ma?" They giggled, tempting Shane to do the same. Coolest mom ever. Yep.

Ryan was sure he has the sweetest mom and he's the luckiest for that. The first time she met Shane, she immediately made a joke on him being bigfoot's far off relative or something. Although it got him embarrassed, Shane laughed it off and played it cool saying he still looks at his father sometimes asking for answers. Everything after that was history.

His mom works for a law firm downtown. Most times, she would call him, telling him to buy himself dinner because she won't be able to come home for the night. Those nights, Shane would come over and cook him meals. They would watch a movie then would set up in the living room to sleep. They figured sleeping near the front door would help should there be any attacks for the night. When she comes home to them sleeping like that, she doesn't say a word the next morning, only cooking breakfast and thanking Shane for baby sitting Ryan.

"He's no trouble, Mrs. Bergara. If any, I am the one who brings him trouble,"

"That you do,"

School year went by so quickly. They all fell into a routine of adjusting themselves for the other. Ryan would have his study time in the library with Shane while they both wait for Eugene. Shane would come over on nights his mom can't come home. So when graduation started looming over the horizon, Ryan started to have anxiety brought by the worry of their routine breaking. College is bad news for their friendship no matter how happy he is that Shane is finally graduating as school Valedictorian.

"It's not like I won't be your friend anymore, Ry. It's just college. I will still sleep over," said Shane, trying his best to comfort his best friend on the night before graduation day. "And you'll be there, Bergara. You'll attend my graduation because I need you there,"

"Why? To see you leave me?" That broke Shane's heart. If only he can graduate the same as this little man.

"To see your bestfriend achieve something in his life because of you, silly. I won't be anywhere near here if not for you. Let's admit it: Senior year got into Eugene' head and would've gotten to mine too if not for you," he smiled, trying to calm him down and that looked effective going by Ryan's smile.

"Yeah. You did ditch prom for me,"

"Now don't be too full of your self,"

Ryan can remember it clearly. Shane appeared on his door, duffle bag in hand, wearing a three-piece suit. He looked dashing and would've made Ryan swoon if he were a girl.

"Your mom called home. She asked if you were over my place because you won't answer your home phone," he said, a bit out of breath. Ryan just woke up from a nap that time. Maybe that's why he can hear a ringing phone in his dream.

"Why didn't you answer your phone, Ryan?" There it is. Ryan. He only uses that when he's worried.

"I was asleep. I took a nap. Not all of us needs to prepare for a prom today you know?" He answered, grabbing a pillow from the couch and slumping himself on it.

Shane made his way to the phone and called Ryan's mother. He explained what happened and she thanked him for calling. He turned to Ryan who was starting to doze off. He would've sat beside him and let the little one use his shoulder as pillow if not for his irritation.

"Ryan. Your mom was worried sick. She thought something bad happened to you. Hell even I thought something happened to you!"

"Would've been better if it means I don't get to be shouted at right after I wake up!" That broke them up a bit. See, Ryan never shouts. He's calm and collected and sunshine. Shane does all the shouting for him. He's the angrier one. So when Ryan shouted, Shane became quiet.

"I'm sorry. I was just worried," Shane half whispered as he sat on the couch. Ryan only nodded and shoved him softly.

"Go to your prom, Madej." Ryan said so softly Shane was scared he might break something is he moves.

"Will you be okay?" He asked.

"As long as your ancestors don't come a running to me tonight. I'll live. Go enjoy senior prom," he smiled. If it weren't for the societal 'bro code', he would've kissed his forehead.

"I'll be back,"

The moment was so tender that moving seemed hard and smiling is the only thing they're allowed. When Shane got up to leave, Ryan didn't question when he hugged him. Shane never told him how he wants to always see Ryan in that state of being awake and dozing off.  
Shane was back two hours later and they watched some movies while popcorn was in the microwave.

It was so surreal, that memory. They laugh it off most of the time. It was simply just sacrificing something for your bestfriend. Eugene still thinks Shane is in love with Ryan tho.

When graduation came, Ryan saw Shane in that exact suit he wore to prom. Now he can see how blue the suit is making Shane's eyes lighter than usual. He was gorgeous.

"Don't stare too long, babe. People might get an idea," Shane smirked, holding Ryan real close to him. If he found the other's blush cute, he didn't say anything. And if the other found himself slightly guilty of staring, he brushed it off.

That was the second time Ryan met Shane's parents. His mom was a sweet lady who chatted with his mom like they've been always close friends and his dad stood quietly, always watching, never saying a word. Maybe except when he talked to Ryan about how proud he is of Shane no matter how guilty he is of being a bad father. He admitted to him that he never quite had any hope for his son. He was quiet, he was way too nice, his mom coddled him too much. All the things he isn't and doesn't want his son to be. When he met Ryan, he thought his son was taking in a charity case. Ryan was weak, small, and stayed home instead of chasing the girls. Ryan had explained to him earlier that chasing women, or men for that matter since none of the families have an issue with anyone's gender and sexuality, is not his priority. His priority is to improve himself and help his mother out by not being a son who his mom needs to worry about. Ryan can still remember the pride he felt when Shane's dad nodded approvingly.

Today, his dad watched his son march on that stage. He heard him thank him for being the way he is - for letting him prove himself that he can be someone. He can be his own person and not the person anyone wants him to be. That he can be happy and angry about something at the same time.

Ryan never saw anyone cry that day harder and say so many apologies in one day than Shane's dad. He stood there beside his mom, feeling really proud. When Mr. Madej came in to hug him and thank him for being his son's bestfriend, he only nodded.


	3. Chapter 3

This is the third time he's ran to the bathroom in the last twenty minutes. His co-workers are starting to worry because something is obviously very wrong with him, but, if they noticed, they never said a word.  
  
More flowers. He could've made a bouquet by now. A bouquet of bloody flowers, presented to the man who's romantically making flowers bloom in his lungs. Ha. The irony.  
  
\---  
  
"Wow. That was awesome! I wish Helen could've come!" Ryan grinned, still high from the game. Shane walked beside him, hands in his pocket.  
  
"Sara would've enjoyed it too. Unfortunately, our girls need to work,"  
  
"I'm proud of them, tho. Two young independent women. We're lucky to have them," Ryan shrugged. Shane jokingly acted like he was mocked while Ryan still grinned.  
  
"Are you saying you're not lucky enough to have me?" Ryan wheezed at this, grabbing Shane's hand.  
  
"Aw come on, baby. I'm the luckiest man to have you," Ryan half cooed, half laughing and wheezing at his friend's antics.  
  
\---  
  
College was exponentially hard compared to high school. In college, people expect you to have your shit together even if they know you are as lost as a puppy in the city. They demand this and that and you have to run after an invisible finish line.  
  
This is where he met Keith, Ned, and Zach. And would you expect that. He saw his old pal Eugene again.  
  
"Holy shit! Totally didn't expect to see you here," Eugene guffawed when he saw him. Shane was as glad to see a familiar face in the crowd.  
  
"Nice to see you too, Yang," the taller one said in a half mocking tone.  
  
"Oh don't be too grumpy. I'm pretty sure your kitten would be here soon," Eugene purred, getting right on the target. Shane only shoved him lightly before laughing.  
  
College was... how should he say it, challenging? It was certainly bigger than high school. Different kinds of people, new faces, professors are assholes. He did like some subjects but for the most part, it was only made bearable by his new friends.  
  
"You don't visit me anymore," Shane can almost see the pout on Ryan's face.  
  
"Aw kitten. Don't worry. I'll be dropping by this weekend to spend it with you. Maybe sleepover?" He cooed, almost sure of the smile on the other's face.  
  
"I mean I understand because college is hard and all. I just... you know..."  
  
"Miss me? I miss you too, baby," If the endearment made Ryan blush, Shane will never know.  
  
"If I don't know you, I'd say you were talking to your girlfriend. Or should I say boyfriend?" Eugene teased, tossing Shane a bottle of shampoo.   
  
"It was Ryan. My 'best'friend. Get your words right, Yang,"  
  
"Oh I got it right, Madej,"  
  
The two of them are roommates now. Since Shane's school is in the next state, his parents decided to let him rent in a dorm, splitting the fee with Eugene's parents.   
  
Shane only shrugged and decided to take a shower himself. Eugene has other plans.  
  
He looked for Shane's phone. Once he found it, he typed in the passcode - Ryan's birthday? Really? - apologized to the force for doing something really bad, and proceeded to screenshot Shane's text messages to Ryan to send them to his phone. He was done erasing any trace of usage even before Shane got out of the bathroom.   
  
He has some reading to do tonight.  
  
Ryan's burning the midnight oil that night, preparing for a big test. His phone conversation with Shane was just his break. The older told him to sleep already but he's to dedicated to get that valedictorian place. He can't be second best to his valedictorian bestfriend, right?  
  
"Ryan, why are you still up?" His mom asked, finding his door wide open.  
  
"Gotta prepare for a test and all. You know the shoe I have to fill,"  
  
"I know but Shane wouldn't like it, you know? And as your mother, I am getting worried." He hates worrying his mom. He hates it even more when he sees the lines on her face deepening because of him.  
  
"Alright, ma. Let me just clean up,"  
  
"Okay. Did Shane call already?"  
  
"Yep. His roommate came in tho so he said buh-bye," if his mom raised a brow at that, he didn't see.  
  
"Alright. I was just talking to his mom. I'm checking on them. Glad to hear Mr. Madej is improving,"  
  
"Yeah? Wow. Shane's grad speech really must've done something," they both chuckled at the memory. It was a fond memory for both of them.  
  
"I'll go to bed, sweetheart. You go to bed soon,"  
  
It was no secret to them that Mr. Madej was the kind of father Ryan would never want in his life - he smokes, he's loud, he comes in from work like his wife forced him to it. Ryan hates that a lot. Ryan is forever thankful that they don't have to deal with that.  
  
After the graduation, and when Shane moved out for college, his mom regularly talked to Mrs. Madej. They kept each other updated on random things Ryan never bothered knowing. He's happy his mom sometimes go out with her to have some girl time while Mr. Madej goes out of his way to babysit Ryan a.k.a. teaching him how to build random stuff with his hands a.k.a. Shane's dad forcing him to use shed tools to make a dog house for a dog that came a month after Ryan built said dog house a.k.a. Mr. Madej adopting a puppy under Ryan's name because Mrs. Madej won't allow him a dog.   
  
"Think of it as my early wedding gift," he once said to him as he sipped his coffee while they both took a break from all the sawing and the hammering.  
  
"I didn't know I have to work so hard for my wedding gift, sir,"  
  
"No man is ever a man without working hard for his wedding gift, son." He spoke, passing Ryan that saw, a signal for him to get back to work. At this point, he's pretty sure he's doing to him what he would've done to Shane.  
  
His last year in High school signalled Shane's second year in college. They talked frequently about things, updated each other on their lives, Telling Shane that his father just gave him a dog.  
  
"Holy shit! Really? Does ma know?" Shane laughed on the other end, holding for dear life as he imagined Ryan holding a puppy, looking as lost as the puppy.  
  
"Yeah. She didn't say anything when she saw Lucy licking the puppy tho. Guess she was counting on Lucy to make the decision," Lucy was their old cat at home. She's been around for so long sometimes the thought of her death scares Ryan.  
  
"Lucy made a right choice then," still laughing, Shane made a mental note to buy the puppy a collar.  
  
"What's the puppy's name tho?"  
  
"I was thinking about Zodiac. You know, like the killer,"   
  
"Really, Ry? If you're going to name the puppy after a serial killer then I can't trust you with our baby's name!" They both laughed at that. Ryan enjoys the jokes, don't get him wrong, he likes to think that they're so past the boundaries of friendship that they can just easily call each other names and joke about domestic things. Shane enjoys them too. He enjoys teasing the other, watching the other blush and squirm in his mind's eye.  
  
"Who said I won't fight tooth and claw to name our child, huh?!" He wheezed, the jokes coming out so easily.  
  
Senior prom rolled in the same way the last time Ryan remembers Shane's; quick, busy, eternally senseless. He just never saw the sense in it. You go to the dance, you dance, probably get drunk or laid, then back home then sport a hang over the next day. He'd rather stay at home and study thank you.  
  
"But it's prom!" Mr. Madej said like it's supposed to explain everything good about prom.  
  
"I get it, sir -"  
  
"Dad,"  
  
"Dad. It's just that, it's not for me," he sighed. Yep. This is torture. Good job on the grad speech and moving out, Shane!  
  
"I'll buy you a suit then tell me what you think, okay?" He asked, more optimistic about the idea than the person who is actually going.  
  
They both settled for a black suit and a black bowtie.   
  
"Shane's actually scared of sharks. Did you know that?" Mr. Madej said, admiring the bowtie. "Maybe because of his uncle telling him how deadly sharks are,"  
  
"I'd say bears are more dangerous," he answered. After the suit shop, they made their way to, in Ryan'n honest opinion, a jewelry shop.  
  
"No man is complete without cufflinks," he said, expertly making his way inside the store. Yep. Jewelry store. Or maybe he just doesn't know what a jewelry store looks like. He's never been to one after all.

"Alright, son. Choose your links,"

He was faced with an assortment of colors and shapes. But one that particularly caught his eyes were round with a black and white print.

"Ah. Classic. Your son has a good taste, sir," the man behind the counter smiled at Mr. Madej.

"He won't be my son if he doesn't," he only smiled at the comment. Why is he such a good father now that Shane's not here? He's receiving the other end of his 'father-ness'.

Ryan went home early on prom day when he saw half the population just sweet dancing and the other half miraculously drunk. His mom was worried when called and asked her to pick him up half an hour before midnight.

"Alright, sweetie. I might be a little late tho. Is that okay?"

"I can wait, ma. No worries. I'll be in front the school," he made his way out the place when a teacher noticed him.

"Mr. Bergara. Leaving already?"

"Yes, Sir. I think someone spiked the punch. I'm not feeling well,"

"Oh. Alright then. Take care,"

"Thank you, Sir."

The air outside was chilly compared to the warm and moist atmosphere inside the gym. He enjoyed the change and even wore his coat back on after he removed it once it got warm inside the place. He smiled to himself. Last time, Shane basically attended prom with him at his house. They spent it watching movies on the couch and sleeping in the next morning. He can still remember how messy his suit became because they both slept on the living room floor.

"Safe to say I messed you up real good last night, baby," Ryan half purred, half giggled, fixing the other's sleeve so he can look half presentable.

"Tsk. What would my parents say, Bergara? That their son's sleeping around after he ditched prom?" He raised a brow as he watched the younger one laugh finally.

"Send them their son-in-law's best regards then,"

"Are you proposing to me?!" He actually looked shocked that Ryan just doubled over laughing at his best friend.

"Go home, Shane. I need them to know you're in good hands,"

"Will make sure of that, babe." Shane winked and he was out the door.

Tonight is different tho. No Shane, No popcorns, No movies. No one to tease the next morning too. He wonders if Shane can still remember that time. Because he does. And he's keeping it as one of his best memories.

"Uber for Ryan?" He heard a voice. Too bad he didn't have his glasses. He can't see the man clearly but that voice was so familiar -

"Shane?" He asked, unsure. The man got out of the car he now recognizes as his mother's.

"Hey, baby. Missed me?" The voice asked and he's pretty sure he ran to his bestfriend and greeted him with the warmest hug he can.

"I'll take that as a yes," Shane laughed, appreciating the height difference between them. Shane's grown taller over the years. He now towers people. It's as powerful as one thinks.

"Holy shit, man! Haha! What are you doing here?"

"Destroying prom, what else? You pretty much destroyed mine,"

"Oh I destroyed you alright,"

"Really, Ry? Not five minutes of seeing me and you can't keep it in your pants already?"

"Fuck you," they wheezed together and Ryan can't be more than thankful for having his prom night 'destroyed'.

Ryan found out that Shane called a week prior to ask his mom when prom is. And his mom, being the sweet person that she is, conspired with Shane to surprise him. She even had a night planned out for her and Mrs. Madej. Mr. Madej spent his over his bud's.

"Have I mentioned that ma's excited when she heard about it? Mom was glad too so I'll drop by the old guys' place tomorrow," he said, parking the car on the garage, expertly maneuvering inside the small space.

"And have I mentioned that your dad bought the suit I'm wearing?"

Now that he's mentioned it, Shane noticed a lot of things about Ryan that night under the dim light of the car. His bestfriend is now hardly a boy. He's far from the child Shane met in high school. He's bigger now. His face sporting hard lines of maturity forced by hours under the sun with his father making wood crafts. His arms filled his sleeves deliciously (whut?) and his chest is puffed a lot prouder now.

"Nope. But you look hot," Shane said so nonchalantly that it flew over their heads easily.

"And you've grown taller. My ma's right. You have bigfoot blood in you," they both laughed at that, getting out the car and into the empty house where Shane volunteered to set the living room up while Ryan changed into his pajamas. _'How's he gonna fit in his jammies, tho? He's gotten big.'_

Shane once again set his foot inside the room he's known a little too well. Nothing much changed except for the bed. It was replaced to accommodate Ryan's bulging physique. His small bed before would hardly stand a chance.   
He made his way to the closet where his piles of big shirts still are and grabbed the extra blanket. _'These are still here?'_ The shirts hardly smell like him anymore. They smell like Ryan now and he's somehow delighted.

"Oh hey! Wanna take a shower?" Asked the newly showered Ryan, wrapped only in a towel.

"Why? Are you coming if I do?" No. He doesn't know how he can so openly flirt with his bestfriend but fails miserably at flirting with others.

The younger man only sighed his name, a soft smile sneaking its way to the surface.

"Fine, fine. After I set the living room up. Happy?" He asked. The younger man smiled and boy oh boy didn't he miss that.

And if Shane stared at Ryan while he's putting on an extra fitted shirt and sweat pants that hugged his bottom nicely and if Ryan noticed and purposely put on a show, no on will ever admit it. Ever. Mark my words.

They found themselves slow dancing to a song in Ryan's phone late that night. After Ryan mock-asked Shane if he'll dance with him and Shane saying 'sure', he connected his phone to a speaker and played the music. It was awkward, to say the least. That height difference was different than what they're used to. Aside from sleeping, this has been the closest they've been to each other.

Do they mind? No. At this point, never.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that I use a lot of "tho". Yes. I am that annoying friend who uses tho in a daily basis. 
> 
> Also, lots of things I'm not sure of in this fic. Mostly names, real life information of the characters, and the ending. No. I don't want anyone to die too.

"Let's break up,"  
  
"Okay,"  
  
He didn't run after her when she walked out that door. He was okay with it. She deserves better. Not a liar like him.  
  
When she saw the flowers in the bathroom garbage can, she ignored it. True, it was a really curious place to find these flowers. And no matter how much she wants to ask him, she ignored the nagging thought of the 'why', opting instead to wait. He'll tell her, right?  
  
But he didn't. When she asked, he was quiet.   
  
\---  
  
"No. I am not going inside first,"  
  
"For the audience, Ryan! And this is technically your job. Want me to report that you're neglecting your job?"  
  
"Why don't you go in first?"  
  
"Are you scared?"  
  
"No."  
  
When Ryan walked in, Brent wasn't able to help but smile behind the camera. Leaving half the hosting of Unsolved to Shane was his best decision yet.  
  
\---  
  
There was barely no time to breathe when graduation came in. There were so many paper dues and a lot of things he needs to finish. But once he was freed of those deadlines, it felt like he's never breathe more freely. He wonders if Shane had to go through this when he graduated.  
  
Speaking of Shane, his mom dropped by yesterday. She brought him a small box wrapped in velvety paper with a black ribbon. She told him not to open it until after graduation. Of course he wanted to open it but to humor the sweet woman, he kept the box near the suit he's wearing for graduation.  
  
"I promise to be there, bud. I might be late tho. I have a class in the morning. That okay?" Shane spoke softly on the phone, packing clothes in his back pack.  
  
Eugene walked in on him talking on the phone. Must be Ryan. Right. He's gonna graduate this week. Of course Shane would be packing clothes for the weekend.   
  
He waved at his friend, letting him know he's back. He spent the whole day with the guys today. Mostly, they studied and fooled around. Keith mentions Shane every once in a while and no matter how much he wants to tell them about Shane's little secret, it's not his secret to reveal.  
  
"I dunno, man. He always keeps to himself. I'm pretty sure Clarisse from World Lit was eyeing him the whole week but he's oblivious to it. Nada,"  
  
"Yeah. Noticed that too. He's always on his phone. Does he have a girlfriend back home?" Asked Ned, the father of the group when Zach is too busy being a responsible uncle to his other classmates.  
  
"He never says anything to me. Tho, yeah. He spends most his time either texting or studying," he shrugged, taking a sip of his slurpee.  
  
He knows he can't be the only one who notices. And girlfriend? Hahahahaha! If they only knew.  
  
That brings Eugene back to the present. He watched as Shane giggle to his phone, smiling at nothing while he whispered. Right! Screen shots!  
Eugene checked the screenshots he took from the other's phone, giggling at Shane's flirting skill. No wonder they're still not together.  
  
"Hey, bro. How're the boys?"  
  
"They miss you man. Asked me why you don't spend time with us," shrugged the other.  
  
"Yikes. What'd you say?"  
  
"Nothing. I don't know what your deal is anyway," Shane shrugged and he's torn between punching Shane for not telling him the truth and punching a wall so Ryan can kiss that pretty face on his graduation. He opted for the latter.  
  
"Huh. Oh hey. I would be going home this weekend. I might also spend summer with my folks so..."  
  
"No worries, man. I got you,"  
  
"Thanks, bro."  
  
Eugene woke up alone the next morning to an empty room. He smiled.  
  
Graduation day. Finally. After one more summer, he'll be in college. He has so many things in mind! He has lots of things planned for his future -   
  
"I swear to god, I don't get the proper welcome I deserve," Ryan jumped at the voice, squealing when he saw Shane coolly leaning against the door frame (and no. It was a manly squeal! Manly!). Shane arrived last night. He was welcomed by his parents. Being away from them, no matter how much be hates his father, still made him miss them so much. They talked about everything they can and by the time they all decided to rest, it was time for Shane to unpack and prepare to see his bestfriend.  
  
"I thought you're going to be late?" Ryan asked, still basking in his bestfriend's presence.  
  
"What? Like I never lied before to surprise you?" They both laughed at his answer. Mrs. Bergara was glad to see Shane too.   
  
"I'm so glad to see you again, Shane!"  
  
"I missed you too, ma."  
  
Somehow, Ryan won't exchange that for the world.  
  
It wasn't much of a celebration. Before he even knew it, he was in college, taking up journalism.  
  
If Ryan can look at his life like a painting, he'd see a picture of a beautiful garden by the ocean. What's in it might not be perfect but the whole picture's perfect.  
  
In college, he met the "Try Guys". They apparently try anything that comes into mind. Ryan is not exactly the type to do that but it's nice to have them around sometimes.   
  
"Is that him? Shane's guy?" Asked Keith to Eugene who was very busy preparing for a presentation later that day.  
  
"What guy?"  
  
"C'mon, 'gene. Like I don't know. Ever since that kid showed up, it's like Shane started showing up too," Keith rolled his eyes. Sometimes, Eugene is sure he can punch the living day lights out of this all too knowing guy.  
  
"Mind your own dollies, mate. I'm busy,"  
  
Okay. Who ever said college was easy was taking a piss. He's sure. They are taking a damn long piss. College is not easy. College is red bulls and late nights and eating shit. No wonder Shane left when he got an internship in a corporate company a year before he graduated. Even though Mr. and Mrs. Madej were damn mad about it, if Shane can't, they can't exactly force him, right? So here, Ryan is left alone, babysat by Ned who transferred to another course back then and is going to graduate with him.  
  
"You okay, bud?" Ned asked him one time while he was drinking his 3rd can of red bull. He was not okay. He's too frustrated with everything coming up; finals, recitations, applications - he's just a man. He needs rest too!  
  
"Yeah. Just need some sleep, I guess. Just a bit more,"  
  
"Yeah.. Oh hey! Shane dropped by earlier but you were in class. He was in town for some meeting of sort. Said he needs to tell you something. Did he text you?"  
  
"No. Thanks for letting me know tho,"  
  
He tried to call Shane but all his attempts fell to voice mail. He frowned. It's not Shane to ignore calls. But hey. He's working now so perhaps he's busy with things.   
  
That made him sad, that realization. Everything is so far from highschool now. Everything seems to be damp and gray. Highschool was a good memory but that's it. Just a good memory. Future is uncertain and this is the future he once feared. A future where his friendship with Shane grows far leading to an inevitable break up. His career asking him to do things he's too afraid of and sacrificing things dear to his heart.  
  
But maybe that's what it means to grow.  
  
Maybe that's what it means to know.

 


	5. Chapter 5

"Dude. Either you die or you get it removed,"  
  
"I told you, man. I can't. I'd rather die than-"  
  
"Okay, fine, I get it. Just - at least tell him, please?"  
  
"Dude I -"  
  
"Or I'll tell him. You choose,"  
  
"I'll try to, okay? Just give me time -"  
  
"Well newsflash, brother. YOU. ARE. RUNNING. OUT. OF. TIME!"  
  
\---  
  
"In this week's episode of Buzzfeed: Unsolved -"  
  
"This is sooo weird~ don't do the intro," Ryan wheezed. Shaned laughed at him.  
  
"What? You do it all the time. Lemme do it today,"  
  
"Fine, fine. Don't fuck it up,"  
  
\---  
  
Ryan expected everything to roll in easier than high school but he was wrong. He's never been more buried under piles and piles of books, research and paper works, along side his internship. He's so thankful he met Helen on his last year because she's an angel. Helen makes everything easier.  
  
"Hey, Ry. Ready for study group later?"  
  
"Oh god. I almost forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me," he smiled apologetically.  
  
"What would you do without me?" She laughed and he swear it's like an angel laughing.  
  
"I'd be lost is what. I'll go ahead tho. Class with Mr. Calahan,"  
  
He's met Helen last year. They were partnered up for a project and since then, they stuck together. Ned said he should probably ask Helen out on a date but he's not sure he's ready for that yet. He gotta tell Shane and -  
  
Shane.  
  
Shit.  
  
He hasn't called Shane in ages.  
  
But Shane hasn't called either except last Christmas when he said he'd be spending the holidays in the office. Fucking Shane and his workaholic tendencies. He's told him a long time ago that attitude like that would kill him. Did he listen? No!  
  
  
He misses Shane. A lot.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just never thought I'd actually go back to this because I was so stressed with finals and graduation prep. Then was doing that fic for another fandom and saw that I have like 2 chaps for this one actually done...?? But doesn't make any sense??? Anyway...

"I'm... I'm getting it removed,"  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
He isn't. But he's no good to him dead, right?  
  
-  
  
"Has anyone ever told you that you're warm?" Ryan asked, holding his hands against his cheeks.  
  
"Yeah you do. Annually,"  
  
"Fuck you, Shane!"  
  
-  
  
Ryan dated Helen weeks before their graduation and it feels good. It feels really different. A partner. He's got Helen now. He's excited.  
  
Wow.  
  
Excited.  
  
He smiled through shot after shot, wrapped his arms around people after people and shook hands with almost everyone. Greeted people he's not sure he knows and talked to some he's sure are just lost.  
  
Of course he and Helen caught attention too. They are, after all, the power couple: they finished top of their classes - their course actually - and are both facing a bright future. Nothing he can ask for. And people? People rooted for them. People loved their story: the power couple who's headed for the best anyine could ask.  
  
"And they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. I'm not seeing that now," Ryan turned and saw Shane. Fucking Shane, bearded fucking Shane holding flowers, giant fucking Shane who's wearing a fucking beanie and smiling like an idiot, glasses wearing fucking Shane. Ryan is sure he squealed like a girl.  
  
"Okay okay I was wrong get off," Shane laughed, not exactly unwrapping his arms around the shorter man who ran up and hugged him. Ryan is not sure when Shane got this tall. Or maybe he's gotten small? Is that possible?  
  
"Ryan! Hi! You must be Shane! Ryan won't shut up about you," Ryan heard Helen behind him and that's the only time he's got the sense to detach himself from the man.  
  
"Hey. Nice to meet you...?"  
  
"Helen. Ryan's girlfriend," Right. Ryan never mentioned that bit. He felt embarrassment but at the same time another emotion. One he's too afraid to name.  
  
"Of course! Helen! Lots of good things I've heard about you like how nice you smell," he winked, side-eyeing the glaring man now beside him.  
  
"I never said anything like that,"  
  
"You didn't I think I have proof in my phone," Helen chuckled and was polite enough to excuse herself gracefully. Moments later and Sara came, her hat a standout yellow in the crowd.  
  
"Shane?" Another voice and Ryan saw it come from a petite woman with very expressive eyes.  
  
"Hey babe. You alright?" Rtan heard Shane ask, a long arm snaking its way around her waist.  
  
"You must be Sara," Ryan smiled, greeting her politely. She was... unique. Very goofy. Ryan found that she liked her. Yeah he does. He guess.  
  
Sara shook his hand. Ryan's a lot sunnier than she was told. Shane wouldn't shut up about his graduation and his acheivements and everything and Sara choked it all up to the excitement of seeing a bestfriend again. Afterall, they haven't seen each other in ages.  
But what she saw earlier, that - she shouldn't be jealous, right? The guy's got a girlfriend and she's beautiful as can be. But why is there a pain in her chest when she saw Ryan run up to Shane?


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm nervous," he said. The hospital looked glum. Like those hospitals in movies where bad shit go down. Or a zombie apocalypse.  
  
"I asked you if you're sure. You said yes,"  
  
"I know. I - I don't think I'm ready,"  
  
"Alright,"  
  
-  
  
"You should bring Sara over, you know," Ryan offered while they were getting ready to leave.  
  
"She's busy, man. Passion projects and all. Is Helen coming over?"  
  
"Nah. She's busy too. Work got her tied down,"  
  
If Shane noticed the lack of 'Helen' in Ryan's place, he never mentions.  
  
-  
  
Sara knows where she is and isn't wanted.  
  
She isn't wanted here.  
  
"Hey, girl. Why are you out here?" Helen asked. She's sitting in the front porch, craddling a bottle of beer.  
  
"Just some quiet. It's pretty noisy inside," she smiled, hesitant. She likes Helen. Helen has been mindful of her and made sure to give everyone equal attention.  
  
"Family reunion. According to Ryan's mom, your boyfriend only comes home every graduation so it doubles as a family reu -"  
  
"Ryan actually calls Shane's father 'Dad'. His first reaction is to thrown himself at Shane and hug him like two lovers in ldr!" Sara interjected, tears forming in her eyes. Helen is not stupid. She saw that. She understands. And she understands this - jealousy.  
  
"Sara, things can get a bit intense, I know. But can you let this slide? For the sake of the ocassion?" Helen asked. Sara nodded and even if Helen knows it's to humor her, she let it go.  
  
Ryan was doubling over about something Shane said. Helen saw this and decided to sit with Shane's mom near the fireplace.  
  
Shane's mom... She's, well, a mom. In the uni, Helen often saw her with Ryan's mother. She's not really the kind of person you'd expect a mother to be. It always felt like being a teen around her.  
  
"I never thought those boys would get themselves girlfriends. To be honest with you, I always thought Shane would go after Ryan. He's moony eyed over him," She said not looking at her. There's a distant look in her eyes that Helen envied. It's the kind of look a mother have when opening old photo albums or the kind when you remember something nice. She wants that look too, with Ryan. She wants to have that in her eyes too. And Shane, Shane has that look too when he looks at Ryan. Like Ryan carries a million stars in his eyes and the moon in his smile. Like Ryan holds a million best memories - Helen shook her head softly. Of course he does. Sara's Right.  
  
"I have to go home, Auntie," Helen spoke, smiling at the woman.  
  
"So soon?"  
  
"Yes, ma. I promised my mom a day," she smiled and hugged Ryan's mother. The woman smiled softly at her walking her to the door.  
  
"Hey, Sara, wanna come with me? I'm going home and we -"  
  
"Sure yeah. Lemme just drop a warning to Shane," Helen frowned at that. Her eagerness is endearing but hearing what she had to say earlier, her eagerness is saddening. And as another person who mirrors the same sentiment, she wants to help Sara out in anyway she can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you look at that. I now remember what I wanted to do with this fic - like I was gonna merge the past to the present then slowly merge the present to the future so it's all mumbo jumbo or confusion. Anyway, if you read this far, thanks for dropping by. I appreciate it.


End file.
